


If He's The Arsenic, I'm the Cyanide

by gala_apples



Series: Shameless First Impressions [8]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Crushes, F/F, F/M, No Incest, Polyamory Negotiations, Season/Series 09, V-shaped polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:27:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24435097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gala_apples/pseuds/gala_apples
Summary: Carl and Debbie have spent the last month trying to get Kelly to pick one of them over the other. Turns out she doesn'twantto choose.
Relationships: Carl Gallagher/Kelly Keefe, Debbie Gallagher/Kelly Keefe
Series: Shameless First Impressions [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1724326
Kudos: 8





	If He's The Arsenic, I'm the Cyanide

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt 'pick your poisons' for my Shameless prompt table.
> 
> Not a lot of notes for this one. Essentially Kelly's really cute, I ship her and Debbie together, and I don't believe in love triangles. *shrugs* Oh, and I delayed Fiona moving away, because, fairly, it's the plot point that kind of takes over in canon, not Carl and Kelly getting back together.

It’s probably a little disgusting that Debbie is fucking Kelly on the couch. In both senses of the word. It’s physically revolting, considering the amount of people who have jizzed, come, thrown up, sweat, and pissed on this raggedy ass couch. It’s also morally pretty fucked up to bang a girl your brother just broke up with.

Ultimately though, she’s a Gallagher. Poor decision making is sort of her birthright. The closest to inheritance she’s ever going to get, if you don’t count the meth. So Debbie covers her ass in carpet burn, rutting it on the upholstery as they ride each other’s thighs, tries not to scream because Carl is upstairs, and tries not to think about the filth and moral turpitude. 

Except it’s not that easy. It never is. Second tenant of being a Gallagher; why would life take it easy if it could be miserable as hell? About forty five seconds after she comes Kelly has a big freak out about not sure she’s gay blah what about Carl blah blah. Which leaves Debbie crying on the front porch, a mood of initial commiseration spreading when Carl tells her his most recent woes, twisting to vengeful plotting. Carl thinks they’ll actually get away with all the car damage. Debbie knows better, she just doesn’t care. She understands Alex from the other side now. Bicurious straight girls are hard to deal with. Complete heartbreakers. 

As predicted, the wrecking of Kelly’s car doesn’t go unnoticed long. Debbie’s heading for Todd’s to bring Liam home when Kelly drives up in her stupid dykey truck. It’s only been six hours and she’s already paid for four new tires. That kind of money would take a Gallagher weeks to gather. It adds insult to injury, pisses Debbie off enough that when Kelli confronts her, she confronts back. Explains how it’s her fucking fault that Carl’s doomed to fast food manager, that he’s lost all hope for his academic future. 

In a move that shouldn’t surprise her but does, Kelly doesn’t take kindly to being blamed. Turns out upperclass white girls have issues with shame. Kelly drags Carl’s ass home from his shitty job and Debbie prepares herself for a night of pretending she can’t hear them fuck. There’s no fucking way they didn’t kiss in the car. Carl wouldn’t be this happy if Kelly wasn’t getting back with him. Living in this house you get pretty goddamn used to hearing your siblings fucking. It’s just the first time one of them has fucked someone she’s also liked. Who else, Karen? Sean? Devon? Yeah fucking right to all of them. Kelly though. Any other day of the week beside Carl’s rock bottom and she’d be all over trying to steal her away, but she can’t do that to him today. Her best bet is staying in the kitchen and researching Liam’s long list of demands to see what can easily be agreed to. It’ll give her a whole floor of soundproofing. The downside is having to listen to Frank attempt to get her attention from the couch -he doesn’t seem too pleased about Seamus- but Debbie has a lot of practice in ignoring the dumbfuck. 

Once Lip and Tami come in everyone starts to gather for family dinner. Fiona’s quiet, she obviously has something on her mind. The only time she speaks up is when she retells a story Ian told her during her visit. Debbie would have liked to have hitched a ride, but she’ll go next time. Kelly and Carl might as well be sitting on the same chair for how close they are. Seamus eats an entire plate of mashed potatoes, with no protein. It’s noisy and obnoxious, and Debbie doesn’t understand how Liam could leave this. She knows all the downsides of being a Gallagher as much as anyone else, but when Lip helps Franny scoop up her peas she can’t make herself regret having a chaotic family.

“Night guys,” she says as the rejoined couple heads for the stairs. They’re obviously not going to be coming back down until it’s time for Kelly to go home. 

“Wait. Can we talk? Come upstairs with us.” 

Based on Carl’s expression, he has no idea what Kelly wants. For that matter, Debbie isn’t too sure either. Unless it’s going to be a public call out, like that one time Fiona slept with a married man and he dragged his wife to the house and made a huge scene about it. Carl knows they fucked on the couch, and he’d been too depressed to be mad about it, but maybe Kelly wants to make a production out of regretting it. But Debbie follows them upstairs after situating Franny in the living room with some toys anyway, because Kelly asked her to. Broken heart or not, it’s hard to not want to spend time with her.

Kelly freezes at the top of the stairs. She looks to her left to Debbie’s room, then to her right towards Carl’s. She wants neutral ground, apparently. Normally Debbie’d suggest the living room, but she’d rather lose another toe than get any opinions from Frank on anything. On his best of days he’s human garbage, and laid out on the couch with a fucked up leg is not his best day. When Kelly shrugs and sits down in the middle of the hallway, Debbie decides fuck it, good enough. She drops to the floor and leans against the wall, and Carl sits against the dresser on the opposite wall. Together they wait for whatever the fuck Kelly is about to say.

“Could we just have a threesome?”

“What the fuck!” Carl yells at the same time Debbie screeches “no!”

“Okay, let me rephrase-”

“We’re poor. We’re not goddamn hillbillies.” Christ, she knew Kelly was rich, but rich enough to think that skewed of them?

“Let. Me. Rephrase,” Kelly insists. “I didn’t mean a three way threesome, like all in the room. Jesus. I just- I really want both of you. This is the first time in my life I’ve ever gotten to want things. I’m kind of on a roll with it.” 

Put that way it’s a little better. Not like, _okay_ , but better than the nasty concept of seeing Carl’s scarred dick.

“So if you’re fucking both of us, which one would you date?” Carl asks. It’s so Carl of Carl to change on a dime like this. The whole month he’s been up her ass about ‘don’t touch my girlfriend with your lesbian hands’, and now he’s just cool with it? He really is like a dog, sinking his teeth in and not giving up the tug toy, at least until he’s distracted by the squeaky toy.

“Both of you. Have sex with both of you, kiss both of you, go out places with both of you. I’ll introduce Debbie to the Major too, so he knows what’s going on. I mean it, I want both of you.”

It sounds fucking crazy. It _is_ fucking crazy, and Carl is stupid to be already on board. Thing is, it’s not like she’d be the first Gallagher to have an open relationship. Between Karen, Helene, Eddie and Tami, Lip’s done it like five times now. Ian definitely slept around on Mickey a ton, which never seemed to bother him. Hell, if you were generous you could even consider her dating Neil and fucking Duran open. Just like Mickey and the club dudes meant less than nothing to each other, and Eddie and Sierra never saw each other naked, being open with Kelly doesn’t need to mean anything gross about Carl.

Everyone came out of the destruction that was Monica and Frank parenting with different bad traits. Fiona’s micromanaging. Lip’s alcoholism. Ian’s bipolar disorder. Carl’s indifference to humanity. Debbie can be honest enough with herself to say that thanks to her so called parents she has a habit of manufacturing problems to have something to do in dealing with them. A girlfriend with a boyfriend she constantly has to compete with is a good hefty problem, one without an expiry date. Unless you consider school in September, but it’s not like either of them win then, it’s just a hiatus. This is probably the least self-destructive major problem she could give herself.

“You have to shower every time you have sex with him. If you ever come to me with his jizz in your mouth this is over immediately. Hard line.”

“Uh, yeah. What she said. Except girl come,” Carl says. 

Kelly smirks. “Guess I should leave some soap here, if I’m going to be having that many showers.” 

To seal the deal Kelly boxes Carl in against the dresser and kisses him deeply. Debbie doesn’t watch with interest, because ew. But she doesn’t make an effort to look away either. If they’re doing this, Debbie’s going to have to get used to the sight. Maybe even stop letting said sight fill her with such a fierce sense of competition. Some is alright. Fun, even. But too much competition tends to fill her with spite, and this won’t work if she and Carl are being mean to each other. Kelly won’t put up with it from either of them.

When Kelly’s done dominating Carl’s mouth, she bolts down the stairs. Before Debbie can start to worry that Kelly’s changed her mind already, she comes running back upstairs with a beer bottle in hand. Wordlessly she raises it and chugs it, wiping her mouth with her sleeve when she’s done. 

“See? No Carl bodily fluids.” 

Kelly comes to her then. It’s the moment of truth. Is she going to let Kelly kiss her?

She is. Fuck it, she is. Fuck monogamy, fuck morality, fuck whatever bossy ass Fiona and know it all Lip are going to say. This is the best of all possible solutions, her and Carl both getting what they want. Gallaghers don’t share, unless it’s pooling resources to live another day, but she’s going to make an exception.

Kelly tastes as good as she did when they were napping together. Better. Before it was morning breath, now it’s the aftertaste of Old Style. Debbie’s been going out for drinks after work for a few years now, and a beer laced mouth against hers is a hallmark of a good time. Now is no exception. The kiss is more focused, now that it’s not sleepy, or as frantic as crashing thighs. Debbie likes being under this kind of attention. 

In good time Kelly breaks off the kiss. Debbie would bet the kiss lasted the same duration as Carl’s did, give or take five seconds. Kelly’s got a natural clock in her head, barely needs the stopwatch app on her phone to tell her how long a run’s been. She’s already certain it’s going to be Kelly’s latest mission, to give both of her Gallaghers equal treatment.

“You two want to watch a movie on the laptop? We can use my Netflix account.”

“You gonna take one of us to our room afterwards?” Carl asks, straightforward as ever.

“Probably,” Kelly confirms.

Debbie asks the obvious follow up. “Who?”

“Depends on what I’m in the mood for.”

See? Now that is the kind of thing Debbie can sink her hands into. Her flirting is far superior to Carl’s. By the end of the movie she’ll have Kelly desperate for her. Unless she doesn’t, unless Carl somehow wins this time. And that’ll just mean Debbie has to win the time after. It’s going to be a good rest of the summer.


End file.
